Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Wedding Around the World

(First published in Small World Ezine on 15 July 2002)



In Thailand, marriage is a family issue. You cannot marry a girl, or your girlfriend cannot marry you without the consent of parents from both sides. (I mean you can do it legally but socially, because your parents don't show up, people will know and rumours spread, etc). 

Thais have another ceremony for engagement, which could be held at any time before the wedding -- even as soon as the bride and groom are born. Nowadays, for more convenience, people in the city will celebrate the engagement in the morning of the wedding day. So they could have just one reception for both occasions.

In the morning, bride and groom will give food to the monks. They could do this to the passing-by monks in front of the house, or they could invite monks from a temple to have breakfast or brunch (monks do not eat after 11am).

After that the engagement ceremony will take place (if they haven't had it earlier). Parents will gather and the groom will give rings, necklaces, and the whole set of jewelry to his bride. Parents of the girl will then accept some gifts and giveaway their daughter to the man's care (ask him to take good care of her and stuff like that). Then They'll have lunch together, and retreat to rest. This morning ceremony is normally for closest family and friends only.

In the afternoon all family members, the couple's bosses, close friends, and respectable friends of the families are invited. The ones who are younger than the couple will be helping around when the older, one at a time, pour holy water 
on the hands of the bride and groom as the symbol of blessing and giving. People bring gifts at this afternoon ceremony. The gifts can be anything, however cash is preferred. Snacks and sweets are served for sweetness. Some will invite a local 
registrar to come to the house to register the marriage and provide certificate on the day. But normally the couple will go to the registrar's office to do it some other day. Our traditional and civil marriages are done separately. 

The parents and bride/groom will then go to the bedroom the couple are going to spend their married lives together. They'll ask a well-known happily-married couple to lie on the bed so the bed's blessed. Then the parents of the married couple will give some more blessings and remind them how to take care of each other, love, forgiveness, and the likes. Then they'll leave them alone in the room for some times, which they'll be mostly spending on changing to the evening gowns for the reception.

On the day ceremony people wear Thai traditional clothes, but during the evening reception, which will be held in a hotel, people wear Western evening gowns and suits. This time every-body the couple know will have to receive the invitation (or it's embarrassing). Unlike Western wedding, they won't reply to the invitation, And they will come alone, bring a friend, bring friends, or even not show up at all. It's an art to determine the number of guest in such situation. Everyone who show up will surrender a gift before entering. Normally when you count the gift money received in such a party, it'll just cover the cost (about $3,000 up). Nobody wear black or partly black in a wedding. It's the mourning colour.

Honeymoon will be on the next day. However, honeymooning or not is up to the newly-wed. 

 
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In China, the bride wears red. And almost everything is red. The ceremony have to be loud and fun. The bride's face is covered by a veil and it is considered bad luck if anybody, esp. the groom sees her face in the ceremony.

In the ceremony bride and groom will pay respect to heaven and earth, to the parents, and to themselves. Then the bride will be sent to the bedroom while the groom stay a while in the party, to thank the guests. Finally, when the couple gets together, they will drink the wedding wine. And that's the last of the ceremony. (I gathered this from Hong Kong movies). Once a girl is married to a man, she'll not be considered a
member of her own family anymore. Now she belongs to the new family and the parents of her husbands are now her parents.

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The Hindu wedding ceremony includes customary rituals to ward off evil spirits. After the wedding vows have been exchanged the groom's father or brother showers flower petals on the newly-weds. Then he holds a coconut over the bride and groom's heads and circles it around them three times. Brides wear pink and red saris and groom a turban with a veil of flowers streaming down in front of his face to protect him 
from evil spirits.


In Egypt and the Middle-East, it's the dances which get most attention. Remember the belly dancing? Romantically, Egyptians believed that the ring finger has the vein of love, which runs straight to the heart. It's probably true, or why are we wearing the ring on this finger?


In The West, it's the cakes and sweet stuff. The Danish marzipan ring cake is the customary wedding cake in Denmark. Also called the cornucopia cake, it is made with almonds, pastilage and marzipan. On the outside, the cake is beautifully decorated with sugar work. On the inside it is filled with fresh fruit, candy and almond cakes. And to avoid bad luck, the newlyweds cut the cake together as a married couple and all of the reception guests must eat a piece.


When Laura Ingulls married Almanzo Wilders 100 years ago in South Dakota (or was it North?), they were in a hurry and the best dress she had was black. Her mother was worried because it was not a lucky sign. Laura then put on "Something old, Something new, Something blue, and Something borrowed" on her black wedding dress for better luck.

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How about after the ceremony? 

In most culture, the newly-weds will be just disappeared from the reception. And most of the time, the reception are just eating and dancing...

In Croatia, after the wedding ceremony and marriage vows have taken place, female relatives remove the bride's wedding veil and replace it with a scarf and apron while singing to her. This symbolizes the new bride's status as a wife. Then all of the guests walk three times around a well which represents the holy trinity, and throw apples into it, to ensure the newlywed's fertility.

In Estonia, there is a wedding custom to predict the next groom, as well. After the newlywed bride tosses her wedding bouquet to the single women, the groom is surrounded and blindfolded by the single men. They spin him around and then the groom puts his top hat on the bachelor next to marry.


And long.... before the wedding ceremony...

When a baby girl is born in Germany, several trees are planted in honor of her birth. When her wedding date is set, the trees are sold, and the money is used for her dowry. This custom is similar to Chinese. In the old time in China, when a girl was born, the father will bury some wine in clay jars, and they will dig the jars up to celebrate the wedding. 

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However I have found this information about the Philippines,

"... At one time, as a way of proposing matrimony, a man would throw a spear at the front of the house of the girl he wished to marry. This act would symbolize her unavailability, and begin the Filipino engagement process. The groom and his family would then go together to the bride's family to ask for her hand in marriage..."

I just wonder what if the girl did not agree. Were they going to remove the spear? Gosh... they are hard to girls. Do you know that divorce is still illegal here?

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